Is It My Fault If I’m Making Some Friends?

Hello, Diamonds! 🙂

          This is so… Shitty but true. This title. I know this is so long. What a long title. But, this is what I wanna talk about. This problem happens on me when I try to make some friends, with boy or let’s say man in college. Is it my fault if I’m making some friends?

          It really happens on me. Now, I’m single. I’m not so interesting in making any special relationship to anyone, though sometimes I feel so sick cause I don’t have anyone who care about me, sending some tiny but sweet messages like “udah makan belom?” “jangan lupa sholat” “jangan ujan-ujanan” “udah mandi?” “tugasnya udah kelar” etc, and I don’t have someone special who love me specially and give me special attention only for me *oh my God, girl is so greedy*

          Well. In this ‘single’ situation, I think it’s great to make some friends. Some friends, but different sexual identity. I’m a girl. And my friends are boys. I’m enjoying having two great man as my friends. First, someone who 2 years older than me. Second, someone who 3 years older than me. They’re older than me, so I have a bigger chance to share my story and sometimes my problems that I wish they can help me solve my problems. I’m enjoying hanging out with them. Altough I’m not hanging out with two people at the same time. But I enjoy every laugh we make, every story we share, everything.

           Suddenly, those sh*t gossip is coming. Rumor has it that I’m just a shitty player who date different man in every Path’s update *well this is not what they really say, but I really know deep in their heart they said I’m just like that*. Some of the gossipers just get confused with me. They ask my bestfriend about “who is the man I really like for sure?”

          And now. In this post. I’ll give you my answer, dude! My answer is I dunno. Yep. I dunno. I just don’t know how to love a man right now. I just know how to be a friend with them. I just wanna making friends. It’s true if sometimes I’m tweeting something like an unrequited love. But believe me, never trust my sh*t and random tweet. It’s a joke anyway. Sometimes it’s the real things happens in my life or real feelings of mine, but It’s not all about a man. It can be about a woman too, or family, or college friends, or old friends, or another people in my life.

          But, diamonds, I can’t lie. Sometimes, strange feeling is coming. Feels like one of those two people is special person in special time. But, it’s changing so fast from the first person to the second and back to the first then goes to the second again and repeated. That’s why I only can enjoy my time being their friends, their little sister. I’m not so brave to keep those strange feeling to one of them. Cause here, I don’t know what they think about me, why they start the conversation with me, what in their head, what in they heart, another reason to stay close to me, and the most important things I still can’t catch my deepest feeling.

So, lads, Is It My Fault If I’m Making Some Friends?


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