Is It My Fault If I’m Making Some Friends?

Hello, Diamonds! 🙂

          This is so… Shitty but true. This title. I know this is so long. What a long title. But, this is what I wanna talk about. This problem happens on me when I try to make some friends, with boy or let’s say man in college. Is it my fault if I’m making some friends?

          It really happens on me. Now, I’m single. I’m not so interesting in making any special relationship to anyone, though sometimes I feel so sick cause I don’t have anyone who care about me, sending some tiny but sweet messages like “udah makan belom?” “jangan lupa sholat” “jangan ujan-ujanan” “udah mandi?” “tugasnya udah kelar” etc, and I don’t have someone special who love me specially and give me special attention only for me *oh my God, girl is so greedy*

          Well. In this ‘single’ situation, I think it’s great to make some friends. Some friends, but different sexual identity. I’m a girl. And my friends are boys. I’m enjoying having two great man as my friends. First, someone who 2 years older than me. Second, someone who 3 years older than me. They’re older than me, so I have a bigger chance to share my story and sometimes my problems that I wish they can help me solve my problems. I’m enjoying hanging out with them. Altough I’m not hanging out with two people at the same time. But I enjoy every laugh we make, every story we share, everything.

           Suddenly, those sh*t gossip is coming. Rumor has it that I’m just a shitty player who date different man in every Path’s update *well this is not what they really say, but I really know deep in their heart they said I’m just like that*. Some of the gossipers just get confused with me. They ask my bestfriend about “who is the man I really like for sure?”

          And now. In this post. I’ll give you my answer, dude! My answer is I dunno. Yep. I dunno. I just don’t know how to love a man right now. I just know how to be a friend with them. I just wanna making friends. It’s true if sometimes I’m tweeting something like an unrequited love. But believe me, never trust my sh*t and random tweet. It’s a joke anyway. Sometimes it’s the real things happens in my life or real feelings of mine, but It’s not all about a man. It can be about a woman too, or family, or college friends, or old friends, or another people in my life.

          But, diamonds, I can’t lie. Sometimes, strange feeling is coming. Feels like one of those two people is special person in special time. But, it’s changing so fast from the first person to the second and back to the first then goes to the second again and repeated. That’s why I only can enjoy my time being their friends, their little sister. I’m not so brave to keep those strange feeling to one of them. Cause here, I don’t know what they think about me, why they start the conversation with me, what in their head, what in they heart, another reason to stay close to me, and the most important things I still can’t catch my deepest feeling.

So, lads, Is It My Fault If I’m Making Some Friends?


Rebuilding A New Spirit!


          It’s been a long time. No. I mean not so long. Few days ago I’ve posted something rubbish. Aku tak terlalu menyesal meski tak terlalu puas juga. Bagiku, berbagi adalah hal yang penting. Entah itu berbagi masalah atau kebaikan, berbagi kesedihan maupun kebahagiaan. Bagiku, masalah dan kesedihan yang dibagi akan berkurang. Sementara kebaikan dan kebahagiaan yang dibagi akan menjadi dua kali lipat. Do you agree, readers?

          Today, I’ve just posted something on my instagram. And my caption is a quote from George Herbert. It said that “life is half spent before we know what it is“. And I added some of my opinion that life feels like an unpredictable adventure. Life never goes like your plan, I guess. Sometimes going better, sometimes going worse. Tapi, aku tak lantas membunuh sesuatu yang bernama impian. Hanya saja, hidup tak selalu berjalan sesuai rencana.

          Everything happens for a reason. Bagiku, Tuhan selalu memilihkan rencana terbaiknya untukku. Ada kalanya aku merasa dunia ini tak adil karena Ia terlalu banyak memberikan karang penghalang bagi jalanku. Ada kalanya aku merasa dunia ini tak adil karena aku memiliki kehidupan yang begitu berbeda dari yang lainnya. It’s a relieve that I have a Mom. She always reminds me to think that out there there’re so many people get jealous with my life, out there so many people have a worse life than mine.

          Akhir-akhir ini aku sering mempertanyakan keberadaanku di dunia. Kenapa aku masuk di Komunikasi UGM? Kenapa aku harus bertemu orang-orang itu? Kenapa begini? Kenapa begitu? Apalagi ketika mengetahui nilaiku yang dibawah ekspektasiku. I’m so damn confused. But now, I just have a faith. Sebuah kepercayaan bahwa Tuhan memilihkan Komunikasi UGM untukku karena aku mampu, karena aku akan mewujudkan mimpiku dan menjalani kehidupan dengan lebih baik berbekal ilmu dari jurusanku kali ini.

          Pain. Tear. Hurt. Sick. Fall. Dumbed. Annoyed. Stressed. Any negative things. I have to feel them first. Cause I know when I feel it, any single happiness would be like so super-huge. I’d try so damn hard to be the unique me, the only me. I’d find my speciality.

          As someone said to me in the past day, I’m like a raw diamond. Sangat berharga, namun masih mentah. Masih harus diasah. Segala jenis tempaan itu yang akan membentuk diriku. Dan aku ingin bersinar dan berkilau layaknya sebuah berlian. Berlian yang tak bisa sembarangan dipegang orang. Berlian yang begitu indah dan bernilai. Thanks anyway for those someone who told me this. Altough you just come like a thunder in a sky for few seconds to me, it means a lot!

          So, tonight. Among the hard rain and thunder in the sky. I’d like to tell you something. Tonight, I rebuild my spirit. I will be the new me. I will act like myself. I will use a lipstick if I want or throw it if I don’t want. I will use a skirt if I want or pants if I don’t want. I will dressed up in my own way. I will walk with my own feet. I will swing on left and right as long as I needed. Bahkan aku tak akan peduli bila aku sendiri di tengah keramaian. Aku hanya akan menjadi diriku sendiri dengan caraku. Menjadi aku yang terbaik. Bagi diriku, bagi Ibuku. Aku tak bisa berjanji menjadi yang terbaik bagi orang-orang di sekitarku, karena mereka berisik dan ingin aku menjadi bukan diriku. Aku hanya bisa menjanjikan mereka tak terganggu dengan sikapku. Pun jika mereka terganggu silakan kritik aku.

Good night 🙂

See you soon!